Living for the moment

Im sorry I'm not writing until now. I've been ill the whole week and felt every possible way confused and afwul. I just wasn't able to write about this until now. So my week back home. What can I say? It was perfect. I was in this blur of happiness and confusion the whole time. I couldn't entirely understand the fact I was walking on my favorite streets again, sitting in my favorite pubs, seeing the people I've missed.

The whole week I just tried to inhale it all in, like every day was my last there. I had waited to get back there so long. Just wanted to live every day fully. It's odd how they tend to say that you have to live like the day your'e living was your last. In England, for me, it's the easiest thing to do. Like Audrey Hepburn once said: "Pick the day. Enjoy it - to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come....The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present- and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future."  In England, for me, neither tomorrow nor yesterday matters. It's just the moment, the day we're living that counts. All the people around you, the atmosphere you're in, the scents, the voices, everything around you.

Isn't that how we're supposed to live? Live for the moment and everything it has to offer. Live and make everything out of it. Like it  was the last thing you do.

I am the biggest anticipator ever. I think too much and always try to predict how things will go. So far from living for the moment, I know. In England though, I'm different, I go more with the flow. There I find no need to worry about future or past, because somehow I know everything is always going to be alright. Everything will go as It's meant to be.

Because I'm home. 
I am where I'm supposed to be
and It will take me wherever I'm supposed to go.

So the whole week I just lived day by day. Moment by moment. Treasuring everything in a way I've never had before. I loved every minute of it. Well not exactly, the walk we did on our last day before going to the bus station and getting in the bus to Heathrow. I didn't actually love it, the opposite actually. It. Was. Killing. Me.

The closer we got to the bus station, the less I could breathe. I couldn't understand I had just come back and now I have to leave again? It was worse I ever imagined it would. My insides crush in anxiety when thinking about it. Sitting in the bus to Heathrow I couldn't help crying. Tears were just drawing lines on my cheeks. They were sad tears indeed, but partly happy tears too. I had the best week. I was back home seven whole days. Just thinking about all the many new things we did during the week. Numerous of happy moments. I can't help smiling. We really got everything out of the time we had.

Yes, leaving again was killing me as predicted, but now I'm even more certain about the fact that the UK is the place I want to be. My motivation to get back there got even stronger, if that's even possible, and that is exactly what I needed right now. Soon It's finally time to start actually DOING something for my future. I'm going to tell you everything don't worry! Just be patient. Next time, I'll tell you about my trip!

Xxx esme

England calling! FINALLY!

FINALLY I can say that tomorrow at this hour me and Kisu are on our way to England. I'M SO HAPPY! AND SO EXCITED! I'm also a little nervous, I got  up before 9 a.m today and couldn't sleep no more. I never get up voluntarily before 9, unless I'm nervous about something. Tonight I'm not going to be able to sleep at all!

Oh my goodness. I had forgotten how difficult it is to choose outfits for a week. No, hang on, last time I did this I had to choose clothes for months!! So why this packing seems to be so hard this time? It's only a week.

Haha, trust me this is not the worst my room looked like. Anyway, I guess I sorted it all out. I've packed, so I'm all ready to go! Still have to do final check I have everything I need! You know the feeling when you feel like you have forgotten something important? I have it every time! Actually, I think the mainn problem of my packing is that I have so many clothes I love and I want to take all of them with me!! Even so, at this point I've tried to remind me that I will buy some clothes over there too. So I need to have room for them! River Island, Top Shop, Bershka, Forever 21... a shopper's heaven. :)

Oh wow, we have so many plans and only seven days time to do them all! I can't wait to see my friends, just to be in Oxford again and go to London again. Home sweet home. I've just smiled through the whole weekend. I can't believe this. :) Gonna tell you eeeverything when I'm back! ....If I ever do come back haha. ;)

Had a tea moment of my own the other day =) Mad Hatter tea!

Now I really gotta go and do the final luggage check. I'll see you when I get back.

Have a great week. I will have one for sure!

England calling!

- lovesme

the MDNA tour Helsinki 12.08.2012

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The waiting soon coming to an end

I just realised that It's already August 10th and I haven't written a single post this month, but ever since August started time has just flewn by! The day I've been waiting for since May is only over a week away. I'm going back England. Back home. Do you know the feeling when you've been waiting for something so much and when It's actually close to happen, you don't actually comprehend that it's really happening? You've been waiting so long and It just doesn't occur to you that the day will come that all the waiting will come to an end and the most anticipated thing happens!  Like me. I don't truly believe that on 20th I'll be back in England. I'm not going to believe it until I see it in my own eyes.

Yesterday I looked through the pictures of my trips to England and I felt that those pictures have been taken in completely another life. It was the same when I was in England looking through pictures taken in Finland. It's like I have these two different lives. My life in Finland and my life in England. Two separate worlds. So I can't believe that in one week and two days I'll be back in England and in my another world again. The world I prefer. The world I love. I've been waiting for it so much. These recent months my life has been just about waiting and waiting the day to come. The day I'll get back home. Why is it so hard to believe that I'm going back?

Probably my favorite pic I've ever taken

I guesss It's simply just too good to be true. I'll get to see all my friends and the familiar places I haven't seen in ages! God, just the thought makes me smile. I can't believe it, I just can't! It's home. It's where I belong and going back there is almost like a dream come true. It's where I'd like to spend my every day not only just seven  days in a year. Yeah, that's the other thing. Only. Seven. Days. It doesn't even occur to me that I'm going back to England, so how am I supposed to realise after seven days that I have to come back to Finland? I've just adapted to the fact that I'm back home and then I have to leave again. Oh, what a turmoil I will have in my head. Well, I'm trying to not to think about it, not just yet. I'll just focus on making everything out of the time I have there.

Still can't get it in my head though. Going back home. Maybe next week it will hit me when I start packing! Soon this waiting will come to an end.
 
Another waiting will come to an end on Sunday! I can't believe this either. On Sunday me and Sara will be bouncing with this lady at the Olympic Stadium in Helsinki:

Madonna

Now you see why I've waited August so much? ;)

Until next time darlings,
I promise it will be soon 

lovesme xxx

Careless and young, free as the birds that fly

I just had the best five days off ever! The weather was perfect and the best people to spend the days with! Ahh. Finally we've got some heat up here! I've had so much fun, here are the days in pictures!

Friday 27.07

On Friday barbecued with Sara and other mates and went out!

The must-take-ladies-room-pic

 Saturday 28.07.

Chilling, chilling and chilling.

Aaah this is what I call summer

Sunday 29.07

Spent the day with my mate Katja. Had a picnic on the dock, swimming, drinking, eating, girl talk of course! A perfect summer day. The heat was like a slap in the face. It was so stifling hot! No complaining though, this is what we've been waiting for! To have the real summer!

On the menú, sparkling wine, cider, strawberries with chocolate and grapes! yummyy

Katja's cat Timo

Monday 30.07

Had some quality time with my almost-Swiss friend Raija. We randomly decided to do a little roadtrip to this other town Lahti, which is like an hour away? Anyway, had a greeat time, took some pictures and just walked around talking about eeeverything! When we got back gome, we cooked and then had a real English five a clock's tea and right on England's time. ;) Baked cupcakes and all! Well.. actually Raija did all the work and I read the instructions. :D Thanks for the perfect day girl! Gonna miss you a lot!

Raija and me

I love this pic I took of her!

YUMMY

I know they look delicious.

Raija really made on effort to make the atmosphere just right! I love it how I have a friend I can do this kind of things with. :) The combination: Tea + a cupcake, there's nothing better!

After these days off I have plenty of energy to get back to work! Gosh I'm in high spirits! These days made me realize how wonderful and amazing people I have in my life. Plus, tomorrow is AUGUST 1th!!! Tomorrow, only 19 days and I'm going home! Next week is Madonna's gig! My insides are  throbbing with excitement! :))) 

In the end, a song that I found last week. English singer-songwriter Ben Howard's Old Pine. It's a perfect summer song that's why so suitable to attach here. The simple happiness in life. The beauty of summer. The beauty of life. You can feel it all in the song. There's also something so bittersweet in the lyrics. It always makes me smile though. It's so beautiful. I love the video!

"We slept like dogs down by the fire side
Awoke to the fog where all around us
The bloom of summertime

We stood
Steady as the stars in the woods
So happy-hearted
And the warmth rang true inside these bones
As the old pine fell we sang
Just to bless the morning.

Hot sand on toes, cold sand in sleeping bags,
I've come to know the friends around you
Are all you'll always have
Smoke in my lungs, or the echoed stone
Careless and young, free as the birds that fly
With weightless souls now."

- Ben Howard - Old Pine

The part in the song "Careless and young, free as the birds that fly With weightless souls now" is my favorite. It makes me think of my friend Raija, me and other young people like us. 

Living the period of life where you can do anything you want with your lives. 

So careless, young and free. 

So eager to inhale the life, 

to find the dreams you want to make come true, 

to find the place where you belong to. 

To find the adventures you're supposed to encounter 

and the loves that are meant to be.

To find the life you want to live. 

The world is calling us.

That's what it brings to my mind. The beauty of summer, the beauty of life and what it's like to be young in the world. We are like these birds that fly forward in their lives, young, wild and free.

That's all for now. Enjoy the beauty of summer and being young!

- lovesme xx

Bizarre sleepwalking

The most bizarre thing in a while happened last night! I was very weary so went to bed early, fell asleep quickly. Next, I gradually woke up standing in my room, in a pile of my stuff that used to be on my bookcase. My mom and brother came to my room panicking that what the hell happened. I had no clue! I just stood there still somewhere in between sleeping and being awake. I came to a conclusion though, that apparently I must have tried to turn over my bookcase in my sleep. Pretty well succeeded also, because of all the stuff piled on the floor.

Still thinking that how am I able to do that? The bookcase is not the lightest thing to turn over, and only thing I remember about my dream I saw while all this happened is that there was this handle I needed to pull, so I guess I pulled the bookcase in reality? Somehow? :D It's frightening that you do something in your sleep and then you wake up and you have no idea what happened. Why am I standing and not lying in my bed? Why all the stuff from bookshelves are on the floor? The subconscious living its' own life clearly. :D The most bizarre feeling. This is how it all looked liked.

The bookcase yesterday night after the bizarre sleep walking, some stuff already back on the shelves but as you can see still lot's of it on the floor. In the pile there's nearly 140 DVDs, dozens of books, two boxes of stuff and to my lovely surprise also my systems camera under EVERYTHING. Fortunately no damage happened to it or anything else.

The bookcase this morning after cleaning everything up. This is how it looked before as well.

I've done sleepwalking before. One time I was at Sara's. We were sleeping and suddenly I'm shaking her to wake up and just say panicking and checking the mattress. "Sara Sara Sara there's something wrong with the mattress." That time too, I gradually started realising that I'm up and talking nonsense. :D The kind of bizarre unconciousness that you don't know are you in your sleep or in reality is not fun. The last night's walking though was the most extreme thing I've ever done in my sleep. Hopefully anything more extreme won't happen ever! :D

Maybe tonight I can sleep properly through the night.

lovesme xx

A movie euphoria

The feeling after the end when you see the end credits rolling down and ýou just sit there. Your mind has gone blank. You just feel the happy tears running down your face. You can't help it. You're smiling and crying because the movie was just so bloody phenomenal. You're just so happy. You might also want to stand up and clap your hands until they hurt, no matter were you in your living room or movie theater. The movie gave you millions of shivers. Dozens of oh wow moments. Couple of moments of surprise. These are the most precious movie moments. When they did it all right. You're in movie euphoria.

Only three movies have made such a powerful impact in me. First time was when watching Titanic for the first time, the second was watching The Lord of the Rings the Return of the King. Last Saturday I had the third time after watching this:

The Dark Knight Rises

Why do I get so emotional by a movie? I just love movies. I'ts the same when you're listening to your favorite song that means a lot to you, for example. You might get shivers, or cry, or just smile because it's so good and it makes you feel so much. It's the same thing with great films. Ok, some people might think that I'm weird, but I'm sure at least true movie geeks gets this. I can't explain it. When there's so many people from different areas of art such as directors, writers, composers and actors etc. and they make everything right, together. The story, the world, the characters, the visual effects, the music and so on, it all goes perfectly together. They got all the parts together to build a perfect puzzle. To build a masterpiece. After seeing such brilliant work being made, you're just happy because it was so great. You're speechless. You're in movie euphoria.

In my opinion, Titanic, The Return of The King and now The Dark Knight Rises are perfect examples of this. It makes me so happy that in the world where so many horrible things happen, there's still people who can make something so beautiful and spectacular to the world. And they just make them just for the love's sake, the love for films.

Of course this is only my opinion. I'm crazy about films. I love love love loooove them. These movies got me in movie euphoria. I think they're masterpieces. I think those three are now the best I've seen on the screen. I'm sure there's others who think so too, but some people might not. I have to say though, Titanic and The Return of The King both won 11 Oscars, that tells something.

Ok, and now I have to say something about the source of my latest movie euphoria: The Dark Knight Rises. If you haven't seen it yet, don't read forward. Ok, The Dark Knight was just brilliant, we all know that. We will never forget Heath Ledger's thorough performance as Joker.

I was afraid The Dark Knight Rises would be bad. I had waited for it so long. My hopes were so high so I was scared I would be disappointed. I didn't think I could ever say this, but I think the Dark Knight Rises was at least as good as The Dark Knight. OH MY GOD IT WAS PHENOMENAL. A huge thank you for Christopher Nolan for making the best conclusion for the trilogy ever. Thank you thank you thank you. They could have not done it better. Despite the small details that bothered me a little, it was perfect, P-E-R-F-E-C-T.

I don't remember when was the last time that I would have been moving so nervously in my chair that much. The suspense grew stronger and stronger and lasted till the end.The characters, wow. Firstly, The Batman. Can it be possible that I was attracted to him? That costume looked so HOT. And the big black thing he was flying, there's nothing cooler! :D Secondly, Bane. OH MY GOD, he's to most brutal and ruthless character ever and I mean really. I'm sure the biggest bodybuilders would have been afraid of him! Tom Hardy did great. Thirdly, the Catwoman, usually looking so innocent with her bambi eyes, Anne Hathaway got the foxy, seductive twist in the character. Respect for Catwoman doing all the jumps and fights with high heels! Haha ;D Also Joseph Gordon-Levitt's Blake, he was the only hope we had! He was great. Everything was great. Sorry about this, just lost for words. :D

Bane

Catwoman

Simply, the Dark Knight Rises met my exceptations and more. It might be the movie of the year. It looked great. It sounded great ( Hans Zimmer<3). It was just WOW. This is film making at its' best. This is a great example of the building all the parts together to make a perfect puzzle. Promise me each and every one of you who reads this, go and see it, if you still haven't. You have to see it. I'm still high in this.

I love the part in the trailer when Catwoman says "My mother warned me about getting in the cars with strange men." And Batman says: "This isn't a car" :D COOL OR WHAT.

Enough of this perfection,

lovesme xx