Living for the moment

Im sorry I'm not writing until now. I've been ill the whole week and felt every possible way confused and afwul. I just wasn't able to write about this until now. So my week back home. What can I say? It was perfect. I was in this blur of happiness and confusion the whole time. I couldn't entirely understand the fact I was walking on my favorite streets again, sitting in my favorite pubs, seeing the people I've missed.

The whole week I just tried to inhale it all in, like every day was my last there. I had waited to get back there so long. Just wanted to live every day fully. It's odd how they tend to say that you have to live like the day your'e living was your last. In England, for me, it's the easiest thing to do. Like Audrey Hepburn once said: "Pick the day. Enjoy it - to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come....The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present- and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future."  In England, for me, neither tomorrow nor yesterday matters. It's just the moment, the day we're living that counts. All the people around you, the atmosphere you're in, the scents, the voices, everything around you.

Isn't that how we're supposed to live? Live for the moment and everything it has to offer. Live and make everything out of it. Like it  was the last thing you do.

I am the biggest anticipator ever. I think too much and always try to predict how things will go. So far from living for the moment, I know. In England though, I'm different, I go more with the flow. There I find no need to worry about future or past, because somehow I know everything is always going to be alright. Everything will go as It's meant to be.

Because I'm home. 
I am where I'm supposed to be
and It will take me wherever I'm supposed to go.

So the whole week I just lived day by day. Moment by moment. Treasuring everything in a way I've never had before. I loved every minute of it. Well not exactly, the walk we did on our last day before going to the bus station and getting in the bus to Heathrow. I didn't actually love it, the opposite actually. It. Was. Killing. Me.

The closer we got to the bus station, the less I could breathe. I couldn't understand I had just come back and now I have to leave again? It was worse I ever imagined it would. My insides crush in anxiety when thinking about it. Sitting in the bus to Heathrow I couldn't help crying. Tears were just drawing lines on my cheeks. They were sad tears indeed, but partly happy tears too. I had the best week. I was back home seven whole days. Just thinking about all the many new things we did during the week. Numerous of happy moments. I can't help smiling. We really got everything out of the time we had.

Yes, leaving again was killing me as predicted, but now I'm even more certain about the fact that the UK is the place I want to be. My motivation to get back there got even stronger, if that's even possible, and that is exactly what I needed right now. Soon It's finally time to start actually DOING something for my future. I'm going to tell you everything don't worry! Just be patient. Next time, I'll tell you about my trip!

Xxx esme

England calling! FINALLY!

FINALLY I can say that tomorrow at this hour me and Kisu are on our way to England. I'M SO HAPPY! AND SO EXCITED! I'm also a little nervous, I got  up before 9 a.m today and couldn't sleep no more. I never get up voluntarily before 9, unless I'm nervous about something. Tonight I'm not going to be able to sleep at all!

Oh my goodness. I had forgotten how difficult it is to choose outfits for a week. No, hang on, last time I did this I had to choose clothes for months!! So why this packing seems to be so hard this time? It's only a week.

Haha, trust me this is not the worst my room looked like. Anyway, I guess I sorted it all out. I've packed, so I'm all ready to go! Still have to do final check I have everything I need! You know the feeling when you feel like you have forgotten something important? I have it every time! Actually, I think the mainn problem of my packing is that I have so many clothes I love and I want to take all of them with me!! Even so, at this point I've tried to remind me that I will buy some clothes over there too. So I need to have room for them! River Island, Top Shop, Bershka, Forever 21... a shopper's heaven. :)

Oh wow, we have so many plans and only seven days time to do them all! I can't wait to see my friends, just to be in Oxford again and go to London again. Home sweet home. I've just smiled through the whole weekend. I can't believe this. :) Gonna tell you eeeverything when I'm back! ....If I ever do come back haha. ;)

Had a tea moment of my own the other day =) Mad Hatter tea!

Now I really gotta go and do the final luggage check. I'll see you when I get back.

Have a great week. I will have one for sure!

England calling!

- lovesme

the MDNA tour Helsinki 12.08.2012

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The waiting soon coming to an end

I just realised that It's already August 10th and I haven't written a single post this month, but ever since August started time has just flewn by! The day I've been waiting for since May is only over a week away. I'm going back England. Back home. Do you know the feeling when you've been waiting for something so much and when It's actually close to happen, you don't actually comprehend that it's really happening? You've been waiting so long and It just doesn't occur to you that the day will come that all the waiting will come to an end and the most anticipated thing happens!  Like me. I don't truly believe that on 20th I'll be back in England. I'm not going to believe it until I see it in my own eyes.

Yesterday I looked through the pictures of my trips to England and I felt that those pictures have been taken in completely another life. It was the same when I was in England looking through pictures taken in Finland. It's like I have these two different lives. My life in Finland and my life in England. Two separate worlds. So I can't believe that in one week and two days I'll be back in England and in my another world again. The world I prefer. The world I love. I've been waiting for it so much. These recent months my life has been just about waiting and waiting the day to come. The day I'll get back home. Why is it so hard to believe that I'm going back?

Probably my favorite pic I've ever taken

I guesss It's simply just too good to be true. I'll get to see all my friends and the familiar places I haven't seen in ages! God, just the thought makes me smile. I can't believe it, I just can't! It's home. It's where I belong and going back there is almost like a dream come true. It's where I'd like to spend my every day not only just seven  days in a year. Yeah, that's the other thing. Only. Seven. Days. It doesn't even occur to me that I'm going back to England, so how am I supposed to realise after seven days that I have to come back to Finland? I've just adapted to the fact that I'm back home and then I have to leave again. Oh, what a turmoil I will have in my head. Well, I'm trying to not to think about it, not just yet. I'll just focus on making everything out of the time I have there.

Still can't get it in my head though. Going back home. Maybe next week it will hit me when I start packing! Soon this waiting will come to an end.
 
Another waiting will come to an end on Sunday! I can't believe this either. On Sunday me and Sara will be bouncing with this lady at the Olympic Stadium in Helsinki:

Madonna

Now you see why I've waited August so much? ;)

Until next time darlings,
I promise it will be soon 

lovesme xxx