When it feels like nothing is happening

I know I promised to tell you about my trip this time, but as you can see, almost two weeks have passed since my latest post. I just haven't been able to write because I've been feeling I'm lost with this blog. Lately, I've written only because I've felt like I HAVE to post something. In the beginning I wrote for myself, wrote these posts that had a core, a simple thought, a message I wanted to send.  I've only been thinking what other people would like to read and lost my own vision what I want this blog to be like. This has become more like a diary-like and I don't like that. I want to give people something to think about not just to tell them about my life. Ok, this blog isn't called Esme loves for nothing. I also want to write about things that touch me somehow that have some kind of impact in my life, but I want to tell about them in a way that people can get something out of it as well. I might have only couple of readers but if at least few people get something out of my blog. something to think about, and find themselves saying "I know what she means." "I've felt the same way!" That is what I want to do with this blog, I think I just forgot it for a moment. Ok. sorry about opening up like this, I just had to! :D

So, I guess now it's time to give you something to think about.

It's September. This is time for changes of people our age. Every year it happens. Many people move to another town and go to university. They start a new chapter in their lives. There's also people like me, who are not going. Don't get me wrong, I'm not even jealous of my friends in Finland who go university here. Because I don't even want to stay here. Still, what am I doing? Living with my parents and working in a supermarket. It's like my life isn't going anywhere new, It stays the same. I'd love to have some change too.

Well you know what they tend to say. It comes in seasons, there's the time when feels like nothing is happening to you, and everybody else's lives seem to be changing rapidly. Suddednly though, you notice It's totally the opposite and you're in the middle of all these big changes. So, I'm waiting when this period of silence turns into something exciting. Well, to be honest something is already happening and It could, if it goes well, turn out to be something extremely exciting and life changing. Ok, It's time to tell you, well pretty much all of my friends know anyway, so no point not to write about it.

I'm applying to university in Scotland to study English. That is what I'm working on now, trying to do my best in the application so I will get in. There's no entrance exams, but I need to write a personal statement, which is kind of motivation letter, where I need to tell why do I want to study my chosen subject and just mainly prove I'm motivated and worth taking in as a student. 

So yes, something is happening, my life is going somewhere. I've got plan and if I'm lucky and I'll get in, my life will go upside down! I will move to Scotland next year and start my new life there, and most probably will stay there for good. If I get in. Anyway, all that will happen next year. So what really got me anxious the other day was, am I gonna just work this whole year? Am I going to spend the whole year working and saving money for my uni studies that hopefully will start in next September? Well that would be sensible, wouldn't it? 

It seems like a waste though. Think about it, I have a year and I could do anything with it. Many people have gone to university but there's also people who have went to work as an au-pair in London or just went interrailing to Europe or something! Hang on, I did that last year? I did go to work in Oxford last year. Still, the world is calling me again. All the adventures that I haven't done yet. All the places I haven't seen, things I haven't done. Well, Hayley Taylor sings in her song Plans quite well:

we were gonna drive across the country
live in spain and italy
and we were gonna climb to the top of the eiffel tower
and stay up all night for the meteor showers

but we are still young enough
and we've still got time
it's not too late
to keep these plans we made
- Hayley Taylor

It's never too late. I'm soon 20 years old. I got plenty of time for my adventures I'd love to do. So, I might spend the year working, but It would do it for for my next adventure in Scotland. So, It wouldn't be waste. Not at all. So, if there's people who are feeling like me. Like their lives aren't going anywhere. That anything big isn't happening at the moment. Every day feels the same, just work and every day life. Well remember this.

It doesn't matter if anything big isn't happening now,

because something is always happening.

Life is always going on.

It's taking you somewhere

A new day always comes

with something bigger or smaller to happen

Every day is worth living and enjoying to the hilt

Never a waste

And some day 

when a  new day dawns again

It will bring you something big and life changing.

Just wait for it.
-lovesme

There's something to think about darlings

- lovesme xx

PS: Here is the Hayley Taylor's song Plans I quoted