I can't believe It's been one month since my latest post. Time has gone so fast, I can't believe it! I can only say I'm sorry it's been so quiet here, but the whole month passed working on the personal statement I mentioned to you last time. I just haven't been able to focus on any other writing than the statement. It needed to be perfect, and I am such a perfectionist when writing so it took a month for me to finish it. At least I can say that I really worked hard on it, put my heart and soul to it. Hopefully all the hard work pays off as well.
The statement has really been the most vital text I had written. It's almost like my life depends on it,
like, this is it, go and write the best you can that they understand they have to take you in as a student. That statement, those approximately 600 words I wrote, matter so much. I needed to squeeze all this enthusiasm and motivation of mine in 600 words! Trust me, that was pretty difficult because I have always so much to say, so I had to cut out lots of stuff! I am still thinking, did I mention all the things worth mentioning? Is the structure well done? Is the beginning eye catching? Well, I know I did a good job, because I had the best help I could get (thanks to lads in Preston
<3).
This is like the most nerve racking time in my life, but in a good way. I haven't cared about something and worked this hard on anything in a while.
The feeling of having finally found what I want to do in life and for what I'm ready to work hard on, is ecstatic. If I only get the chance to actually do it.
My friends seem to be so positive about my success, that I will get in. Everyone of them say the same. "You have worked so hard you will get in!" "You have wanted this for years and done everything you could, you'll get there!" I prefer not to go ahead of the things though, because I have learnt,
sometimes hard work doesn't pay off. Everybody have encountered at least one this kind of person I am about to describe to you. The person, who somehow always seems to get her way to success even though she doesn't even make much an effort. She kind of just drifts to success when at the same time some people really work hard to get there.
So the unfairness of this is,
why some people who couldn't care less, or at least are not ready to do much for anything, somehow happen to get the shot and the ones who really work their as**** off don't? Ok, It's not how it always goes. Hard work pays off in many cases, but not always. For example, what I have found out when following people applying to univerisities here in Finland. Many people who have studied months and months plus paid a lot of money for the preparation course for the entrance exams, didn't get a place, when this person who just went to the exam to "try it out" is now studying at the university.
Is it the careless way of life? Just going with the flow, not worrying too much that gets them to accomplish these goals they don't even have? They don't have a goal where to aim, they just "try everything out" and they end up somewhere. So should people like me, who just worked on a motivation letter for one month, take it more easy? Not to care so much. Will then the outcome be more pleasant? Well I know one thing, that too much stressing is not good, it can really affect your ability to do it. Like during my matriculation exams last year, I studied so hard. I was so stressed out I'm sure I have never been before. I worked hard but still, I only got average grades. When the people who said right before the exam they hardly studied, got the best grades. If I had chilled out more, could the exam results have been better? Maybe, but
what is done is done, it went how it's meant to go, I did my best so it is enough.
Isn't it better to accomplish something after doing all the hard work all the stress? You know you have done everything you possibly could. The outcome is what is is but you deserve it because you did your best. The ones who didn't give it much thought, will be thinking what if they had worked hard on it.
My point is though, like last year during examinations I am afraid my hard work won't pay off on this university application. My friend told me how one of her friend applied to university in Scotland, she just wrote the letter like in a day and now she studies at the University of Edinburgh. I spent ONE MONTH for writing that letter! So if she got in, I should get in as well right? Well it is not that black and white, but I have done my everything to get in, I know it. What if it's still not enough, and I don't get in? Well, I will be crushed, but the consolation is that everything goes as it's meant to be.
I know I did my everything,
I tried it out
I relished to opportunity
but it didn't work out.
It went how it was meant to go,
I did my best
so it is enough.
Then I won't be thinking in my rocking chair when I'm old that I never tried to get in university in Scotland! Hard work pays off, somehow. If you had worked hard on it, the outcome might not always be the best you think, but it is what is meant to be. In my case though I really hope this university stuff works out the best, that I'll get accepted. Time will show how it goes, I'll wait for it eagerly.
lovesme xx
