The sisters I never had

The other night I realized how lucky I am to have my two fabulous girlfriends. They believe in me and my future. They always courage me. They always stand for me. Love me unconditionally, just the way I am: When I’ve been the usual over-enthusiastic me, talking how my life is fabulous and I haven’t seen over my enthusiasm that my friend is feeling like shit. Or when I’ve been stupid and gone with my boyfriend even my friend needed me most. When I hit the bottom and wasn’t myself anymore. No matter, they've always been there and they will be. I don't believe nothing could change that.

They’re like sisters to me. The sisters I never had. I almost lost one of them three years ago because of my mistake. Sara forgave me though, and sticked around. We’ve become closer and closer ever since. Our friendship has gone through the-horrible-teenage-drama, heartbreaks, oh the list is long. Last year I moved to another country for 4 months, that was a huge change. I was afraid what not seeing each other for months would do to us but it only pulled us even tighter together – I didn’t know it could be possible. Some friendships wouldn't manage go through all that. Ours did. Now we are unseparable. We might spend many days together and still there's always a question when the other is leaving: "Do you have to go already?" :D

A very good example of me and Sara doing something rather ridiculous?

Tomorrow we’ve known each other for four years and I’m sure there’s many years and hopefully decades ahead. Sara will always be the one who does my hair nicely and with whom I'll talk about fashion, the one I’m going to do the most ridiculous things with, the one I can share everything with and by everything, I do mean EVERYTHING (at least she knows what I mean by this). And especially, she will always be my twin sister, we look the same (fucking fabulous!) we are the same (stubborn, difficult to handle, confident). We are so similar it scares me sometimes. The friend like her you can only find once. I’ve found it. I will never let her go.

Like one friend like that wouldn’t make me lucky already? Well I was blessed to have another one who's worth telling.  I met Kisu almost 4 years ago. We're actually really different. For example, we dress rather differently, she puts less make-up on, she’s always been a little “boyish”, when I’m the girliest girl ever. She's the realist. I'm the romantic. I'm the more-silly-one. She's the-calm-down-one. So there's differences, but let me say those differences just make our friendship stronger. Sometimes there's no need for words, we know what the other is thinking. Seriously, sometimes we say the exact thing out loud together, i'ts creepy! She's my over-thinker-friend. When a question just leaps to my mind and keeps me awake at night, I usually text it to to her. She always has an answer, but the question will haunt her the rest of the night haha! ;)

Graduation day! (2011) Blonds looking so smart! Btw Walpurgis Day (30th April -1th May) is the only day of a year that we can wear our lovely white caps! Tomorrow we'll do it for the first time, yesss !

We made it through upper secondary together. Actually surprisingly well, if during our first lessons we were already writing messages to each other about cute guys in our school. Which one you find more interesting, cute guys or history of Christianity? No need to answer! When lost or hit the bottom, we have pulled each other up. If she's not ok, I'm not ok. If she's on cloud nine about something, I'm too! If her heart is broken, mine breaks a little too. It's like I'm living everything she is. Not with her, I mean I'm living what she's living. I feel everything she feels. Two people's thoughts and feelings, hers and mine, in me. I'm sure the majority of people who reads this,  doesn't get it, but she does. We don't see that often, might be even weeks between our get-together, but it doesn't change a thing. She's always there, if I need her. She's my soul sister. We're perfectly on the same wavelength. She understands me in a way that no one can. There's only one of her kind. I must have done something right to deserve her in my life. 

I've found it really hard to describe these two most fabulous women in my life. Words are not enough and I feel like if I post this I haven't said enough. They both are my rock. I could not live without either of them. They can’t be compared as friends. They’re different kind but either way as precious. They're my sisters. The sisters I never had. 

I wanted to write this for them, cause I wanted them to know how much I love them and value every moment, memory and everything they've done for me. For example, when Sara came all the way to England to see me even there would've been more important things to put the money in, or how I broke up with my boyfriend and Kisu drove all the way to my village (it's far enough that the ride feels like a year of famine) just to be with me. I always smile when thinking about the nicknames me and Kisu gave for every cute lad in our high school. (Remember ^^?) or me and Sara's weird jokes like "kilometrikallo!" and "brainmidget". :DD Sorry about the insides my readers, but this post is for my sisters so you're not supposed to get it anyway, haha! How rude of me..sorry. I've done some really important introductions to you my loyal readers (hah there's only a couple of you, and I know you all, so how pathetic of me to speak about you like a huge crowd haha :D Having fun here clearly..) Well anyway, you might find these two ladies in my blog again in future so it's good you to know a little about them. They're a huge part of my life. :)

Do I need to add anything? This is just hillarious! :DD

So tomorrow is Walpurgis Night (Vappu) and I have to put it here how Wikipedia defines it: "In Finland, Walpurgis day (Vappu) is, along with New Year's Eve and Midsummer (Juhannus), the biggest carnival-style festival held in the streets of Finland's towns and cities. The celebration, which begins on the evening of 30 April and continues to 1 May, typically centres on copious consumption of sima, sparkling wine and other alcoholic beverages.! One of my handsome English friends commented this: "Haha it is actually just a holiday for drinking? It's amazing you finns actually need a holiday for that. We call them week days." British humor <3 what can I say? But that is so true, there's nothing specific to celebrate, like at New Year's we celebrate the new year ahead of us. No hang on, maybe we can celebrate that..spring is here YEESS! No? No, Finns are just drinking for fun and we have a holiday for that. I'm not just drinking for fun though, I will celebrate me and Sara's 4th anniversary (how romantic is that! :D), but also I'm going to clink glasses with my sisters to sisterhood! Can't wait! 

Fabulous Walpurgis day everyone!


- lovesme xxx

Where I belong

Have you ever had a feeling that you belong somewhere? You know, you visit a foreign country or just a new city, or maybe you have lived there for your whole life? You feel like you never want to leave the place, well, maybe for a moment but there’s always the need to get back there. It’s the place you’re supposed to be. Always when you do have to leave for some reason, you always have this feeling of loss. You can’t wait to get back and when you do get back, you feel your feet are on the ground better than ever. You’re back home. You’re where you belong.  You just know it. 

I had the feeling  three years ago when I visited London for the first time. It was just an usual sunny working-day in London. I was walking on the street. Looking around. It just hit me. I was there three weeks and completely fell in love with the British way of life in general. I cried the whole flight back to Finland. I left something behind, as cliché as it might sound. A part of my heart. A big part. Ever since I’ve had the urge to go back there and it never dies. It might fade away for a moment but it always comes back. 

London at night <3

So, when last August I landed at Heathrow airport again after three years. I just felt complete. I was balanced. Hearing English all around me. People from all over the world. I was back home. I lived in Oxford  four months. They were the hardest and, at the same time, the most rewarding months in my life. I fell in love with the UK even more. There were moments when I cried my eyes out cause I was so miserable, just wanted to pack my things and go back home. Still, I never could have done it. In England I always knew, everything will work out after all, because I was where I was supposed to be. 

Oxford, 2011

Oxford, 2011

In Finland I don’t have that. Mostly I feel like I’m lost here. It’s not that I don’t feel like home in Finland. Of course I do. I have my family and my priceless friends here. I love summer here, food is simply the best. So there is some specific things I'll cherish the rest of my life, but still, I don’t belong here. I feel like I’m walking in a wrong man’s shoes all the time. I’m living my life here but it’s always a little struggle. Forcing myself on to something.

That’s why I’ve wondered, why do I force myself to walk in a wrong man’s shoes? Can It be that I was born in a wrong country? When it comes to Finland, we don’t click. England, on the other hand, we click perfectly. I can feel the ground perfectly under my feet there. There, I’m happy, every day. Not all day, but every day. I see my future there. The language and the culture is so, me. So, if over and over again, I’ll come to this point that I’m in Finland, missing one fucking country and my life there so much that it’s killing me. I should do everything to get back there, right? To feel balanced again. To feel complete. 

London, October 2011

Why should I stay in Finland, if I can't be truly happy here? I previously wrote that it’s never too late to make a change. I thought I’ve made my future plans quite clear. I've studied for entrance exam for University of Turku, and I thought that would be the place for me to be. Well, last weekend I stayed in Turku for a weekend and I had fun! It's a nice town to stay couple of days, but on Sunday I was already feeling that it would be nice to go back home already. If I go uni there, I should live there five years?! Never going to happen. Just thinking about it makes me feel anxious. Turku is a beautiful town, but I could not live there. So you can imagine what happened to my motivation to study for that bloody exam.

So, now my future plans seem so blurry again. Except for one thing, I know where I want to be and that’s the UK. I'm aiming at there. Not sure how it all gonna work out, but this is time for ourselves, right? We are 20-year-olds, finding out what to do with the life we got. The one and only life we got. It might take some time to figure it all out, but like I’ve already said, there’s no rush. All that matters is that you do what ever makes you happy. Even though it would mean another gap year ahead (not planned) and making changes that might pretty much change everything in your life. In conclusion, James Morrison sings in his song "One Life":

"My daddy sat me down
He said “Son, it’s probably time to start making some plans”
And I said “No, not right now”
With so many choices
I just didn’t know what to do now
All I say is just forget it
If you tell me I’ll regret it
Just let it be what it is
Coz it’s so easy to say

If I knew yesterday what I know today
Where would I be tomorrow
I won’t let my soul slide away
I’d do whatever it takes
Coz this time’s only borrowed

I got one life, one life, one life
And I’m gonna live it
I got one life, one life, one life
And I’m gonna live it right

You say the more you think
You know what’s right
The less you do
What you feel inside
So I won’t pretend that I always know
I just follow my heart wherever it goes
And I may not always get it right
But at least I’m living coz I’ve only got this…

One life, one life, one life
I’ve got this one life"

I think you got the point?

- lovesme xx

It's never too late to make a change

I love films. My favorites are the ones that blows my mind away and make me want to clap my hands even if I'm alone in my living room, or the ones that leave me thinking of something after the end. The message doesn’t have to be anything special. The best ones are the messages about normal life, you know, growing up, love, loss, happiness, marriage, children, getting old and so on. The film is good if it stops you to just think for a minute.  A good film does that. It stops you. It makes you forget your life and and focus on other story. Either imaginative or based on true events, doesn’t matter. Every story has its’ message.

Today I had one of those moments. A film stopped me to think. The film wasn't any special, just an usual British rom com called The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2011). It’s about these seven pensioners who travel to India, each one hoping to find different kind of exotic adventure. I don’t want to tell too much about the story, but let me say that characters struggle with normal fears for older people, and of course, problems of love. The characters just make you laugh. Maggie Smith’s Muriel is just hillarious with her fear of foreign people and food. (You can see some of it in trailer below) With Maggie Smith there’s other legends in cast, such as Judi Dench and Bill Nighy. Also Slumdog Millionaire's Dev Patel is in the film. (His accent is awesome :D)

What the film made me think was that it’s never too late to make a change. It's never too late to do things you haven't done. If after 40 years of marriage you’re not happy, you can always change it. If you have been in love with the same person for your whole life, have never told about it. It’s never too late to tell about it. Were you 15 or 65 years old, age doesn’t matter! What matters is if you want to make a change, you just have to find the courage to actually do it. Don’t explain to yourself that it’s too late, cause it never is. 

In conclusion, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is an usual romcom. It doesn't give you anything new, but it makes you laugh, leaves you in a good mood and sends an important message that everyone should take in. A perfect movie-cheering-up for boring rainy day!

- lovesme

Bouncing with Example at Nosturi !

On Wednesday I was at Nosturi in Helsinki with my mates to see Example live! I’m sure you know the lad, if you don’t, here is a reminder:

There’s absolutely no words to describe the gig but.. It was mind blowingly, breath takingly amazing! Example is British, so naturally, he has good manners and he started the gig at 9.00 pm sharp, as promised. I admire singers, any kind, doesn’t matter. If the singer is just so in his or her music, connecting with the fans, enjoying it fully. It’s just spectacular to watch. Example was a really good example of this. The energy, the way he paid attention to the fans. I loved every second of it. You know the feeling when the music just fills you up and you feel like you’re in this whole another world. You're heart is beating with the music. Nosturi was full of people and we just bounced like maniacs! It was awesome! Check this out and you get the picture:

I felt like I was high or something. Why do people need drugs, when music can make such effect? The greatest climax for me was when I heard the beginning of the following song:

Thank you Example for the most breath taking musicgasm ever! It was the highlight of my week.

- lovesme

The future panic

You know the feeling, when you’re at your 20’s and you should now what to do with your life. Your parents are constantly asking questions about applications to unis and your future plans. What’s the rush?  If you know want to do, the next question you ask: how do I get there?  What’s the road i'm supposed to take? This is the time to start doing something to make dreams come true. What the hell am I supposed to do? Panic.

The majority of people at 20’s don’t know what to do in life? Many guys who get out from army and they have no idea what to do next, for example.  For the first time they actually think that now I should know what to do next. Previously there was no need to such thoughts cause they knew they’re gonna be in army from six months to one year. No worries, right? Well that one year went pretty fast. Panic. 

There’s no rush. Even if it feels like it but forget it. Just focus on you. Give time for yourself and figure out what could be the road you want to take. You’ll find it.

There’s no panic for me. I have applied to uni and now I’m studying for the entrance exam, like thousands of other people. The exam consists of different kind of parts. There might be essays or multiple choice questions but they all are associated with your major. For example,  my major being English, mainly I have to study linguistics, history of English language, grammar, and literature.

While you’re reading, do you feel like you should know everything about your major before you actually get in? I do. I thought we want to go university to learn about our major but actually we should learn a lot by ourselves before.I feel like I should be a master in my major already. I think it’s wrong. It feels like our future depends on that goddamn exam. I’ve found out what I want to do with my life, but that exam seems to be the stumbling block for me to actually do it. My limitation with the language is here again. My English is not perfect, but will it be enough me to get in? If I mess it up, what am I supposed to do then? Do you think I’ll have any motivation to try next year again? Don’t think so. Some people have tried many times and still haven’t got in. Stop panicking. There's other ways. Keep your options open.

I’m sure there’s many other people who feel the same way as I do. The thing is though, if you just try your best. Study hard. Try to learn as much as you can by yourself. Take the preparing course for the exam if possible. Then go to that bloody exam, do your best and just believe that it was enough. You will get in, if it’s meant to be. Your life won’t be over if you don’t get in. Then you just have to find think other options. There is plenty.

So people who don’t have a single clue what to do with their future or those who do know but it feels  hard to get there. 

Just believe in you. 

Give time for yourself if you need it. (Even if your parents are breathing down on your neck about your future.)

Don’t panic.

This is your life.

Your decisions. 

Your time. 

There's no rush.
Just listen to your heart.

And do your best. 

It’s enough

- lovesme

My life

What have I achieved in life?

This question just came to my mind. I'm an 19-year-old enthusiastic young woman from a little village in Finland. What have I achieved so far? Some people of my age have won a World Championship in some sort of sport. Someone of my age is already acting in Hollywood blockbusters or released couple of records. I haven't done anything that huge. So what have I achieved? Nothing.

If you think so, it feels like nothing, but I do have achieved something. It's not that memorable though. I have grown up a little. Learned about life, what's wrong and what's right. Learned from my mistakes and trying not to make them again. I have graduated from upper secondary and I just applied to university. I have a family and friends who love me just the way I am. I have felt my first love, got my heart broken, cured it and moved on. I have travelled. I have managed to live in a foreign country I love on my own and lived one of my dreams doing so. During my gap year I’ve found out what I want to do with my life. My life is on track.

These all are achievements of life. Maybe not as leaving-my-mark-in-the-world-like as winning a World Championship or being an actress in Hollywood. I’ll leave my marks in the world later.

Actually, this blog could be the first one. So, shall we get started? >

The limitations of life - The language

I have many limitations when it comes to my loves and passions. You know, you really want to do something but there's something stopping you so you can't do it as well you'd like to. Firstly, I'm an 19-year-old Finnish girl who doesn't find her mother language natural for her. That's why I'm writing in English. It took a long time for me to actually create this blog, because I didn't know whether to write in Finnish or English. I know I have a limited vocabulary and some mistakes in grammar in my English, but this is the way of learning to get rid of those. My English may not be as colourful and versatile as my Finnish, but it will be. I want it to be. I love writing and I love English. It's the language I feel like I want to express myself to the world. I have my limitations in it but that's the major reason for this blog, to get better at it. So if this blog gets some readers and comments are full of complaints about my language well, my apologizies. My English is not perfect. A language can never be. There's different varietys, dialects and accents. This is mine. Still, I'm eager to get closer to perfection. Writing is one of the biggest passions in my life. I have a lot to say and this blog is one way for me to let it all come out. It all happens in English. It's not perfect, but all that matters is that you catch my point.

This is a blog about

My life

My loves 
My thoughts

My achievements of life, 

smaller, bigger, any kind. 

My ups and

unfortunely downs as well

Let's start this rollercoaster

- lovesme